fail..fail..fail..but that's ok (really?)

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim

"Succesfull person is get more failure that failed person"
 -Unknown-

Well..maybe that words can become the medicine that will heal my hurt heart.

How do you feel when you allready try your best, allready fulfill your energy, allready pray that much and you get FAILED!

Ya..that's preety hurt, like i feel now.

Actually, being faild is the most common thing that happened in my life. I allready got many failure in my life, like example : I failed at the SNMPTN (so i couldn't study at UI) , i failed at Poster Competition that would give 10.000.000 IDR to the winner, I failed at English Speech Competition and only got to the semifinal, i failed to ask my little sister to stop being the fans of SM*SH (that the worse failure i guess ) and many failure that come and go in my life..

But today, this failure is really..hmm..what can i say..it's so deeply remain in my heart..wuuiiiih...


Okey, frankly speaking, i attend the English Debating Competition in my campus. I ever join that competition 2 years a go, when i was in the second semester and my team failed in quarter final. The next year, the event came again. But unfortunatelly, i couldn't join that competition last year, so i put the strong will to join this competition this year.

And here i was. I attended that competition that held yesterday and today. Almost a year not join in debating competition, has succesfull to make me nervous to give a speech infront of the adjudicator and my enemy. But i tried to control my self to make it relax and stay calm. And with the big help of my team mates,i can handle my nervous feeling.

At the first round, the debate went really strict. Both of the team were strong. Actually, i thought that my team wouldn't win at that round. The reason was because the first speaker of my enemy's team was so scary and dangerous (not only because of his huge body or his loud voice, but tend to the analytical thinking and the clear proposal that he gave was so amazing!) But fortunately, my team won the first round.Alhamdulillah

The second round was preety sad, because we have to fought our own sister from same departemen. My departemen sended two team this year (like we used to do).  And in this round we have to fought each other, like canibalism. We have to ate our self..sad..sad...sad..
In this round,my team failed. But actually that wasn't that hurt because the one who defeated us is the team that we used to practice each other, and we came from the same departement although, so..it didn't hurt my feeling so bad.

Yaa..in the final announcement of the score, we got at six place while our sister team at the first place. I was really proud to them but i realized that my team have to prepared a lot. So after went home yesterday, i just came to my PC and looked for the motion matter.

The matter that my team got allready complete, i think.We got so many data and real statistic prove to supported the motion that we would bring today, whether in goverment team or the opposite team. But when the prelimenary round three, we got FAILED. Me and my other team mates was so shocked, because we preety confidance to win (maybe that's one of the reason why we failed..). We allready gave them the clear argument, the real data and evidance, and also our manner and method was preety good. But the adjudicator decided that we failed.

Inside my  heart i couldn't accept it, but what can i say? the adjudicator's decision can not be change, so i tried to accept it,even that was so hard for me.

But we realized that we have to move on and watched the performance of our sister's team. And later, watched them is the bad decision that we had..

You know why?

Because, we got hurt more and more deeper than before.

When we saw the opposite team of my sister's team, Oh my Allah..we felt so sad and the big question mark came up from our head..

How came that kind of team can succesfully go to the quarter final ??!

Yeaa,maybe i'm sensitive because my team lost. But sorry to say, the opposite team side was so terrible! That was so bad performance. They didn't even know the mechanism of debate, they even didn't gave the rebate of the argument. And the worst performance is, the speech that they gave was under one minute!

Arrrrrrgh!! i was so frustated to saw that. I felt that i was really want to replace them and debate, but ofcourse i couldn't do that, because (again) we allready LOST!

Yah..there must be something behind something,. I believe that Allah must have the lesson that i have to learn from this failure. But sure, i thought there was something that unproper in my prespective.First is the Adjudicator was the former debatter. Which is means that the adjudicator was still new or we can say still "green". The adju that assesed us is the person that fought to my team at 2009, and last year she and her team became the winner. Well, i think that the competition comittee had less stock of adjudicator, that's the reason why at the prelimenary round, the adju that assesed was only one person. The second is, the mechanism is preety dissapointed for me. The strong team had to defeated the strong team too. And that's why the bad team could go to the quarter final.

Aaah...even though i'm blabbering here, there will be no change about the decision.

But, there's one thing that i want to make sure..

Next year i won't attended that competition anymore..

Because...

If I attend it, that's mean that i will haven't graduated from my campus. My target is graduated for 3,5 year. If my self at the future still joininng the debate competetion..my terget must be fail and i will have to learn to accept the failure anymore..

And the second lesson that i learnt is, i think i become more well prepared than my last failure at my last english speech competiton.

Yaah...i will try my best to graduated next year and not attending that competition again (galaumode:on) !!ganbarimasuu!!!